You can't special order awesome
4 words: hood of his car
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
