very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
