i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
