Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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