This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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