garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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