she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
