Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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