I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
