can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
