Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
