Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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