I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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