he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
