We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize