I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
