i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
