It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
