So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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