Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
