Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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