I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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