Your dad touched me again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
