i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
