I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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