well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
