woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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