If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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