Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
