I didn't shave. On purpose
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
