Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
