evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
