i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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