i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
