Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
