Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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