i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We are two peas in an std pod
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
