Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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