Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
