i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
