Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
