My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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