how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
