8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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