we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
