my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
