Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
