return my video game
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
