Your mouth is God's brothel.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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