is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
