I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
